Common wisdom will tell you that “tough times don’t last; tough people do.” It’s a nice sentiment. But, as we make our way into the deepest part of winter, it’s not always easy to endure tough times. This is even more true when you are considering a divorce – or have already filed for one.
There may be many reasons why you are feeling down. Maybe you are experiencing a bit of an emotional crash after the holidays. Perhaps you are anxious about your future. Or, maybe, just maybe, you are one of the 5 percent of Americans affected by seasonal affective disorder (SAD), sometimes referred to as the winter blues, during these short, cold days of the year. Whatever the reason, you don’t have to succumb to these feelings. You can learn how to better endure tough times.
The good news is that you’ve already survived 100 percent of your worst days. Even if you’ve been struggling this season, there are ways to weather the storm and emerge from whatever situation you are dealing with stronger, wiser, and better off.
Here’s how to better endure a season of discontent, especially if you are in the midst of a divorce.
- Focus on what you can control. Life, unfortunately, is full of uncertainty. But focusing on the things outside your control is a recipe for unhappiness. Instead, focus on the little things you can do to improve your situation. Spend time with people who build you up. Take the time to speak to a therapist about any negative feelings. Make sure to find time for exercise and self-care. By taking control of the little things, you’ll quickly find the more significant things are easier to manage. Too often, we focus on the negative aspects of our situations. That can drag us down and further away from the outcomes we’d like to see. Instead, reframe your situation in terms of what you do want. This is a more inspiring way to approach tough times and gives you the space to set goals that will ultimately help you achieve the things you want.
- Celebrate the small wins. Speaking of goals, no one says you have to start running marathons or take on an entirely new career to make the changes that will ultimately help you feel better. Take a step back and celebrate the small wins. Did you get the kids out of the door for school on time? That’s a win. You made a great pasta dish for dinner. Win. You managed to figure out your kid’s math homework. That’s another win. When you get into the practice of celebrating these small victories, you will see your motivation grow and your stress decrease. It will also help you move toward your bigger goals.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. No one says you have to manage everything on your own. It’s not always easy to ask for help when you need it – but it can make all the difference in your mood and outlook. See if your family or a friend can watch your kids so you can do something fun. If you are ruminating about life, especially what your life might look like after divorce, find a friend, therapist, or support group to help you work through things. You don’t have to weather this season alone.
- Remember, you won’t feel this way forever. While it may be hard to recognize this now, tough times don’t last. These feelings, challenging as they may be, will diminish over time. When you are feeling low, take the time to remind yourself that you will get through it. Before you know it, you will have.
Divorce isn’t easy. To help you get through your divorce, it’s important to work with a legal team that will help you secure the future you want for both you and your children. For any questions about divorce or to retain an experienced attorney, contact the Miller Law Group at (914) 685-9805. You can also schedule a confidential consultation with a member of our team.